Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

So, about a week ago, my friend Sallie forwarded me an e-mail that she had received from a friend. Usually hating the e-mail forwards, this one was intriguing, and actually got me to thinking.

The question in the subject line was, "What have you changed your mind about? Why?"

And that question scared the crap outta me.

It seems that somewhere along the line, changing one's mind has become a sign of weakness or mental instability. After all, the worst thing that a politician can do is "flip-flop" around an important issue. Of course, this might not be such a new thing; even in Shakespeare's day, to be called "inconstant" was nothin' but an insult.


And yet, any logical person can predict the dire consequences in store for someone who never changes his or her mind about anything. And so, when asked what I've changed my mind about (and why), I wanted to have a really good answer. And yet I struggled just the same; somehow, I couldn't bring myself to admit to a flip-flop.

In her e-mail, Sallie answered the question this way:

I've changed my mind about emotions. I've always viewed emotion as a bad thing. Something that should be suppressed. Every time tears welled up, I hated it. I would always say to myself, "What are you doing? This is stupid. Why are you crying? But I wouldn't wait to even hear my answer to these questions. It could be from my upbringing; My father is German/Scottish descent. My mother is Scotch/Irish descent. Those cultures by nature do not show much emotion outwardly compared to other cultures--maybe it has something to do with the cold environment of those countries. Who knows?!

[But] I've changed my mind and now am on the journey to embrace my emotions (all of them) and learn from them instead of suppressing them. It doesn't serve anyone else and it doesn't serve me.

... If emotions are catalysts for action and we don't value emotions, then does that mean that we don't take action or we take action only if it's rational?

Pretty good answer, I thought.

Her e-mail also linked to a website where you can learn that Alan Alda changed his mind about God, twice; that Brian Eno once believed that Maoism sounded like a nifty idea, albeit from a long distance; and that Helena Cronin has come to the conclusion that men really are smarter -- and also a lot stupider.

And yet, I still have difficulty answering the question for myself. I used to believe that I was heterosexual, true. But my coming out wasn't so much me changing my mind as it was reality giving me a big slap in the face. And yes, I used to call myself a Catholic and now, in most circles, consider myself to be an agnostic, but now I wonder if that was ever genuiune belief or just going through the motions.

The answer I gave to Sallie, the weekend before last, over dinner at our favorite Thai place, was that I definitely changed my mind about abortion rights. I used to be fervently anti-abortion; I believed that the procedure wasn't just comparable to murder -- it was murder. And that those that pursued abortions and those that provided them should be locked up, as any murderer should.

Then, I met someone who confided in me that she'd had an abortion once. She was thirteen, and the father was an older, married man who had seduced her or abused her, take your pick (she picked the former, I choose the latter). And the issue was suddenly a lot more complicated. These days, I'm just as fervently pro-choice. I don't clap my hands with glee whenever I hear that a woman has received or will procure an abortion, but I'm grateful to live in a society where she has the freedom to map her own reproductive destiny. And when someone considers an abortion but decides to carry the fetus to term, I'm happy that she had options to consider and I have faith that, for her, the choice was the right choice and not simply the only choice.

So, okay ... that's an answer. And it's a true statement; I really was adamantly opposed to abortion at one point in my life and I really did change my mind. And yet, my answer dissatisfied me. It was too specific, not big enough somehow.

And it occurs to me that the abortion question is simply part of a bigger picture, that the overarching theme of my life is walking away from self-centeredness and self-delusion toward self-awareness and empathy. I believe that I (and we) must recognize that other people aren't just like me (us) in every detail and that these differences should be seen and named and valued if I'm (we're) ever going to truly understand you (each other).

Okay, so that's more like it -- except that, for me, it's not a one-stop shop. This is a process that must have begun somewhere (though for the life of me I can't name the time or place) but won't end for a while, if ever.

So ... what about you? What have you changed your mind about? Why?